On Sunday night I was in LA and my mother and i were discussing me staying in town for the rest of the week. I began explaining to her, "I don't know how to describe it but, this is the first time-out of all my visits back and forth to each coast that i feel like its wrong for me to leave." There was something in my gut that was telling me to stay but i couldn't pin point why?
My sweet adoring mother- who of course wanted me to stay anyway just to see me said, " well Jillene you've never felt like that before when leaving here...maybe you should stay? I will pay whatever fee to have you stay longer". I thought you know what- yeah i'll text my boss.
As i was walking upstairs i was trying to connect with why i wanted to stay, why i felt i NEEDED to stay. Was it because i just had an AMAZING weekend with some amazing people? Was it because i really wanted to see my family? ... I went to text my boss and then saw my phone filled with texes from friends excited to see my return and then remembered the little commitments i had made: A carner and gregor workshop with my BFF (good for career), errands for the wedding i was working on saturday(good for money), dinner with friends, Nail appt for the wedding etc...little things that would be totally fun!
I come back down stairs, "you know mom, the longer i stay, the harder it will be for me to say goodbye. I might as well just go so i can be there for my boss to work this wedding".
I fly home.
Monday night i have a very weird dream about the end of the world and rain and water following Callie and my family wherever we went. It was really gnarly and i felt very strange in the morning but brushed it off. Then we had an earthquake in NYC that morning. Strange. I worked in the day for my boss doing errands here and there for the wedding so i would have $ for the voice workshop that night with my BFF. I'd already done a workshop with these artists before so it was more to join in on it with Callie and stay connected. But then my friend cancelled... but i still already gave them my word i would go. So the money i had earned that day just went straight towards a workshop i didn't really "have" to do...and i was sick...so i wasn't able to put my best foot forward in the first place. Don't get me wrong- i had a BLAST- musical theater is my passion after all but ...Already i felt like.Gosh why didn't i stay home?
Then the next day, doing more little wedding stuff, (which i always enjoy) and we get our forecast about hurricane Irene coming in. My dinner plans slowly start cancelling due to travel. BUt i still have the wedding i have to work so i have to keep my best foot forward. I go and get a mani/pedi for the wedding, spending a little more work money and they look great! Im all reved up and stoked for my first four seasons hotel extravaganza!
The hurricane warnings are getting more intense, i need to get non- perishable groceries...okay go to the store...get bottled water, canned and dried foods, all the things you need if power and such were to run out and spent the equivalent to what i had earned that week. Well thank God I had worked in the first place to have the money to spend?! However if i was home...yes i woldn't have earned the $...but i wouldn't have spent the money either. So at this point i'm still pretty even.
Then we hear the MTA, and taxis are closing down the day of the wedding. How am i going to get to the wedding? or rather GET BACK TO MY APPT. after the wedding since its way uptown and I'm way downtown?! My boss tells me they shut down the church we're having the wedding in and moving it to the hotel. hm....How is this gunna work out?
Friday night i finally get in contact with my boss and she tells me that i should stay home and stay safe, even if i needed the money. Yes, safety is important but at this point the whole reason i came back to NYC when i did was for working this wedding. Now my mani and pedi and the $ spent on it are pointless. And the sunny CA days i could have had will be spent inside... maybe with no electricity...
What would have happened if i would have listened to my gut instincts on Sunday night and stayed home for one more amazing week in LA? My pull towards advancing my career in Musical theater with the composers workshop, the income from the wedding jobs( and i just really love working weddings and working with my boss), and excitement over seeing friends, over powered my gut intuition about needing to stay home. I looked at it as sticking to my commitments and responsibilities. God does want our yes's to be yes's after all. But was it really a love over "worldly desires" that were over riding my intuition instead? Was it the holy spirit giving me that gut wrenching "STAY HOME" to protect me from the storm to come and i just ignored it?
Thankfully God works all things out for my good, so this will end well... but the journey may be more than i needed to bare had i just stayed in LA like i intuited i should... We'll see how this weekend was glorified in my next posting perhaps. Stay safe NYC. THis hurricane will be over before we know it! <3
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