DAY 1. You WILL just be pooping and throwing up all day- stop resisting and wishing it would not happen each time you get that "feeling" and just except it. You're body is getting that bug out~ let it do it's thang yo!
So have a bucket (or mini trashcan), a towel, you're sassy hair up, and long sleeves on to wipe your mouth (i know gross but c'mon lez be real- your disgusting right now anyway). Also have an icepack and warm blanket near by since u will be going back and forth between hot and cold all the live long day :) Cheers!
Once you've successfully thrown up everything in your lil girly tummy- you're probably gunna keep throwing up SORRY NOT SORRY it's just truth. To avoid dry heaving, have some lil sips of Zero Vitamin Water (I'm not down with pouring sugar in my body) or coconut water, or pedialite (though i think the ingredients in Pedialite are Bull Shit! But it's got electrolytes, your sick okay I get it.) Maybe even have sips of hot camomile tea or ginger tea that'll help calm your tummy a little bit.
After you've been settled down for at least five hours, start having some more generous sips of liquids to get hydrated. It's night time- if youre an independent woman like myself and all shriveled up- get online to some grocery delivery service and order some chicken(less) noodle soup, or organic chicken brother or vegetable broth some saltines and let that biz come to your door.
-Now if you're ME you're too weak now to open all this stuff so you have to regretfully call a friend and ask for help because you can't open the caps or stand up long enough to make the soup. This is OK. You are still a fierce independent woman...you just also have friends who love you. Put down your pride and let them pick up the slack :) Have the tiniest lil bit of soup and saltines throughout the night, pretend you're 3 years old and that's all you can allow you're tiny belly at a time.
Lastly for day 1, watch Breakfast at Tiffany's. While you're a sloppy sloopy mess, she'll remind you what class looks like. Givesmehope.com while I suffer...
DAY 2: IF you're not repeating Day 1 and have stopped throwing up. Wake up, have some more liquid and finish watching Breakfast and Tiffany's cause chances are you fell asleep since you were sick as a dog. A sickly dawg. But now, there's some Shit to do girl! I know you're weak, but werk it out. step by step, slow as u need to go...but you just got to do this. Make yourself some sweet tea: Earl Grey, soy milk, a lil honey or agave. Let the caffeine give u that lil kick of energy you need to get through this hour of stuff. Now IMPORTANT. Strip Er'ryThang! Your bed, your clothes, towels, pillow cases, just anything you've touched put it in your laundry bag. Clean out that gross bucket if you haven't already. Then clean the area. Pick up the room if it was messy before you got sick. Clean the floors, vacume, and get your place sterile. If you can get a friend to help- do because how lovely would that be? But if they're not around you know GET TO STEPPIN'. Lastly, i know you feel like there's no more energy left. BUT hop in the shower and clean yourself thoroughly. Put on clean jamies, have some more fluids and... now take a nap cause you did some hard work girl!
Wake up feeling like a princess...who's sickly and crippled looking and probably scrawny from a day of throwing up, BUT STILL A SHINY PRINCESS! Have some more water, have a lil soup and now you can actually enjoy a tv show. I say tv show because you will probably still wanna nap every 45 minutes or so and you don't need the stress of thinking about watching the whole film!
Try to talk to people. On the phone, or have a friend stop by. Having to act like you're more well than you are will actually help you feel and get better. Just don't overdo yourself. Oh yeah, and LAUGH! It helps! Watch Ellen, Chelsea lately, or Jimmy Fallon live- just something you know is guaranteed to make you chuckle at some point. I like to end DAY2 with Bridesmaids because if you don't laugh during that film then you have a horrible sense of humor and I'm probably not your close friend KIDDING! but really...it's funny. so that's my rec.
DAY 3: By now you should be somewhat a human being again and can stand to watch some full length movies. I started with Julie and Julia, then had some lunch. Then I went for a short walk outside to remember what daylight looks like since I hadn't seen planet earth in 48 hours. Then went back home because that was about all the energy I had, put in To Rome With Love the Woody Allen film (super cute) and made dinner. Had a consultation with a client of mine about health and fitness and then ended the day with The Proposal. By Sunday ~ Day 4 I was still a little weak, you may be too but I did normal things like went to the gym, went to church, hung with friends, and went to a spaghetti night with some wine and cheese And i did not die :).
Well there, That's how you get through this sassy bug with class, grace and most importantly GanGnam Style!
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