Monday, August 29, 2011

A regular Day in NYC...



This posting originally was an email response- but this day was so NY and so amazing i thought I'd share it with all of you-I was blessed with a tremendously restful Sunday, and Monday. This time of rest, right before school starts, couldn't have come at a better time.

My email read:
A regular day in NYC... well that's kinda the thing i love about it here. There aren't regular days. Like everyday is a new adventure on its own. You never know who you will meet or what exactly will happen. Don't get me wrong, you can have a very routine life if you want to here- i mean it was built for that (all the business success and such) but it also allows people like myself, to thrive on spontaneity. Frankly, the only routine thing in my life here is getting coffee...
( and working out... am i right besties?)

Today for example. I woke up after a rainy and windy night and NEEDED to go outside. The subways were still closed, taxis still sparse and yet people were out on the streets wanting to enjoy their Sunday off. Though it was 12 in the afternoon, it looked about 7pm for it was very dark. There was a sense of camaraderie among all of us walking the streets, blessed to not have been affected by the storm, and eager to find a cafe that decided to stay open regardless of all the hurricane warnings. Callie and I walked to one of my favorite coffee shops I only go to in the summer, because it's so close to the Hudson River, called Mojo. We each got our iced coffee's with soy and ventured towards the river.

We sat on a wooden bench right on the river and watched the water crash from the fast winds, the clouds race across the sky- quickly but elegantly, and the various New Yorkers on their morning run or walking their dogs. It seemed everyone wanted to be outside regardless of the chill and the 50mph winds. Oh but the wind made the tree's sing! The rustling of the leaves in the "too quiet for NYC" atmosphere was angelic. Callie and i hardly spoke as we sat on the bench for an hour and gradually calmed as we gazed into the river.

Then we went to find another cafe and stumbled upon the PATH cafe on Christopher street. A cool little place with art and chill music. We sat in our booth and read our separate books for two hours over tea, and of course sharing wit one another our interesting quotes as they popped up. Each of us going in and our of prayer and reading prayer and reading. I finished my book, "Just Kids" by Patti Smith and felt so accomplished! You know that feeling one gets when finishing a book that's for sheer pleasure?

By now it was 6p.m. We went home. I made some dinner (bell peppers with onions, soybeans, olive oil and sesame seeds) and Callie ate her salad. Then a friend FB'd her and said he was in NYC. We told him to meet us at Washington square park. He was super silly. A really tall gangly guy with blond hair and thick rimmed glasses. He had so much spunk and no shame. He was a musician who had recently been discovered while playing in the park by the same guys who produced Michael Jackson and Elvis!? The three of us went to my favorite bakery, Roccos, for some dessert and hot cocoa and learned more about one another.

The night was still young. I suggested we go find a guitar and he can play us his songs at Washington Square Park! He agrees. The huge fountain in the middle of the park was asking for us to come, sit down and play. He began his acoustic melodies. The empty park embraced his music with open arms. Soon the barren fountain surrounded by lit lamp posts and green tree's began to swell with people as his music persisted. Callie and I harmonized along to his gorgeous voice. Late night people in their 20's gathered closer to hear his original tunes. Two free spirited girls took off their shoes and hopped in the fountain and began dancing playfully along. One girl holding a sunflower in her hand without a care in the world while the other came up to us and offered some of her jasmine tea with gin~ a drink only she with her unbuttoned excitement would have concocted.

His music was the perfect accomplice to this adventurous night. The stillness from the storm united all of us. everyone applauded as he finished his last song. His music created a small community in that moment. So a regular day in NYC...what's that like? well I'm not the one to tell you, my days are anything but regular...













Saturday, August 27, 2011

Hurricane Irene Intuition

On Sunday night I was in LA and my mother and i were discussing me staying in town for the rest of the week. I began explaining to her, "I don't know how to describe it but, this is the first time-out of all my visits back and forth to each coast that i feel like its wrong for me to leave." There was something in my gut that was telling me to stay but i couldn't pin point why?
My sweet adoring mother- who of course wanted me to stay anyway just to see me said, " well Jillene you've never felt like that before when leaving here...maybe you should stay? I will pay whatever fee to have you stay longer". I thought you know what- yeah i'll text my boss.

As i was walking upstairs i was trying to connect with why i wanted to stay, why i felt i NEEDED to stay. Was it because i just had an AMAZING weekend with some amazing people? Was it because i really wanted to see my family? ... I went to text my boss and then saw my phone filled with texes from friends excited to see my return and then remembered the little commitments i had made: A carner and gregor workshop with my BFF (good for career), errands for the wedding i was working on saturday(good for money), dinner with friends, Nail appt for the wedding etc...little things that would be totally fun!

I come back down stairs, "you know mom, the longer i stay, the harder it will be for me to say goodbye. I might as well just go so i can be there for my boss to work this wedding".

I fly home.

Monday night i have a very weird dream about the end of the world and rain and water following Callie and my family wherever we went. It was really gnarly and i felt very strange in the morning but brushed it off. Then we had an earthquake in NYC that morning. Strange. I worked in the day for my boss doing errands here and there for the wedding so i would have $ for the voice workshop that night with my BFF. I'd already done a workshop with these artists before so it was more to join in on it with Callie and stay connected. But then my friend cancelled... but i still already gave them my word i would go. So the money i had earned that day just went straight towards a workshop i didn't really "have" to do...and i was sick...so i wasn't able to put my best foot forward in the first place. Don't get me wrong- i had a BLAST- musical theater is my passion after all but ...Already i felt like.Gosh why didn't i stay home?

Then the next day, doing more little wedding stuff, (which i always enjoy) and we get our forecast about hurricane Irene coming in. My dinner plans slowly start cancelling due to travel. BUt i still have the wedding i have to work so i have to keep my best foot forward. I go and get a mani/pedi for the wedding, spending a little more work money and they look great! Im all reved up and stoked for my first four seasons hotel extravaganza!

The hurricane warnings are getting more intense, i need to get non- perishable groceries...okay go to the store...get bottled water, canned and dried foods, all the things you need if power and such were to run out and spent the equivalent to what i had earned that week. Well thank God I had worked in the first place to have the money to spend?! However if i was home...yes i woldn't have earned the $...but i wouldn't have spent the money either. So at this point i'm still pretty even.

Then we hear the MTA, and taxis are closing down the day of the wedding. How am i going to get to the wedding? or rather GET BACK TO MY APPT. after the wedding since its way uptown and I'm way downtown?! My boss tells me they shut down the church we're having the wedding in and moving it to the hotel. hm....How is this gunna work out?

Friday night i finally get in contact with my boss and she tells me that i should stay home and stay safe, even if i needed the money. Yes, safety is important but at this point the whole reason i came back to NYC when i did was for working this wedding. Now my mani and pedi and the $ spent on it are pointless. And the sunny CA days i could have had will be spent inside... maybe with no electricity...

What would have happened if i would have listened to my gut instincts on Sunday night and stayed home for one more amazing week in LA? My pull towards advancing my career in Musical theater with the composers workshop, the income from the wedding jobs( and i just really love working weddings and working with my boss), and excitement over seeing friends, over powered my gut intuition about needing to stay home. I looked at it as sticking to my commitments and responsibilities. God does want our yes's to be yes's after all. But was it really a love over "worldly desires" that were over riding my intuition instead? Was it the holy spirit giving me that gut wrenching "STAY HOME" to protect me from the storm to come and i just ignored it?

Thankfully God works all things out for my good, so this will end well... but the journey may be more than i needed to bare had i just stayed in LA like i intuited i should... We'll see how this weekend was glorified in my next posting perhaps. Stay safe NYC. THis hurricane will be over before we know it! <3

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Manhattan CA to Manhattan NYC


After a beautiful three weeks in Manhattan Beach California of creating captivating memories with my family and friends, I was shocked at the pick up pace I'd forgotten about here in NYC.

While in LA my days consisted of running on the beach, tanning on the beach, going out to eat with friends and family, seeing movies, enjoying company over coffee, in the car, or at a Fro-Yo place. I got to chill at a few bars, go out dancing, re-connect with friends outside the town, and reconnect with old friends inside the town. Basically each day i woke up at whatever time i wanted and my only plan was to enjoy those around me, whomever they may be~ and be intentional about who i spent my time with. My days glided peacefully through the hours with laughter, thoughtful conversations, and the simply joy of sharing company with those i love. As i said my goodbyes, i honetsly held back tears to each person i parted with. The trip was too good to let go of- but for right now, I'm still in school and have my responsibilities to attend to. So off i fly!

The day after i fly in I'm up. Going through mail, paying bills, and getting ready for work! I throw un a pair of jean shorts and a flowy tank and my sandals...look in the mirror...and realize whoa- i'm so not in LA this is NOT going to work for meeting with the wedding clients and my boss. Undress. Black slip, Red dress, ankle flats, and makeup--there's the other Manhattan Girl I'd been storing for three weeks. As i do 12 things at once (perfume, brushing teeth, texting my bosses, finding money) i scramble out of my appt and run into Cafe Reggios for some iced coffee...Then off to the subway!

I make it down the subway steps only to learn that in my scramble, apparently NYC had an earthquake and i was such a spaz getting my life together i didn't even feel it! but the subway did. All the card machines were down. It was cash only and i had to get uptown by 3:00 p.m. to meet our client for a wedding this saturday. It was 2:40pm LUCKILY since i'd been used to saving my quarters for the Manhattan Beach parking i was able to collect exactly 2.25 in change. I"M OFF!

I get off the subway and call my boss because she's not so hot on the fact there was an earthquake here in the city...well the whole city was actually "pretty shook up over it" wha wha wha.... But i had to call her to see if she was still able to meet me. As i'm talking to her i'm trying to find the Random House Inc. to meet with our client... ugh i realize i went the wrong way~ turn around and try to casually act like i'm not running in a silk red dress, with my phone in hand, on the upper west side. SOOOO Dorky!

I make it in right on time and pick up what i need. Then back in a cab to go all the way down town and pick up 5 boxes of more wedding gear. I talk to my cab driver about waiting for me and then going one more stop because the boxes were gunna be big and heavy. He assures me its fine. I'm texting my bosses, friends, peers at school, trying to get reconnected with my life back here by answering the 8 million texts i hadn't responded to while reviewing the other 8 million emails i'd received. Plus all of Manhattan was in a cab in fear of the earthquake so traffic was pretty fun.

We pull up down town and my cab driver changes his mind, "so actually im not gunna be able to wait for you- sorry"...a...more like sorry NOT SORRY! I get out of the cab and go to pick up these boxes. Once i get there the concierge has NO idea what i'm talking about...K great...we find someone who does- they hail me another taxi and i start crawling my way down to my last stop to put the wedding totes together. I get down there and start carrying the really large boxes by myself down to the complex. No help from the driver...womp and start setting them in the doorway. THEN THE SECURITY GUARD COMES OUT AND SAYS..." you can't bring these boxes in they're too big. you need a permit". a WHAT?! i tried being smiley and kind and explaining with her that they are going up to my boss and they're not a delivery i just simply am coming out of a taxi with them...she wouldn't have it.

Luckily my boss arrives- we call the appt. manager and get them up into the room. I unpack the boxes and start assembling the totes while trying to connect with her darling children I'd missed all summer. Quite the balancing act! I'm tying and stuffing, typing and stuffing and then my boss get's a message from our client...there's another box she had forgotten to send down. WHEW! So i finish the bags then get on the subway back to where i just came from to pick up the extra box.

Have you noticed i haven't eaten yet today? yeah i was getting SUPER tired.

I get the boxes, hop back in another cab and back to my Bosses place. We finish up the details and pack the bags into her car for the morning delivery. I was rushed and excited over the day, and was having so much fun being on my feet and being useful i didn't even notice all the little halts throughout the day. I did notice that i was starving! I get back on the subway and make it to my roommate's work at 7:40 pm. And finally begin to replenish my self with a spinach/tofu/tomato/avocado/artichoke/cucumber with lemon squeezed for dressing salad. But once 8 o'clock hit... I was back on the subay uptown to go do a musical theater workshop with the composer and lyricist Carner and Gregor to work a song.

I'm trying to warm up on the subway and review the lyrics i hadn't touched all day- praying they would still be there from the brief time i worked on the song in CA. Off the subway- to the rehearsal space-and I work on their beautiful song with them as well as hear a young man my age work on another song of theirs. His song (Stay Awhile) instantly connected to my heart and i got pretty sappy... the lyrics, "what's your hurry pretty girl? Its perfect here, so stay a while"... I'd been hurrying all day and the words of a boy saying "pretty girl" brought up a recent memory that flooded my heart with butterflys.

I began my song (Shoulders down) and instantly connected again. It was amazing! I love singing, and acting, and using my artistry with complete passion. The lyrics that most resonated, "And it's a little bit scary to take the leap but it's sure to be a killer view. who knew? That i could feel so free! I'm living my potential now, it's time to put these skills to use. And we'll write out own destinies. It's time. So i'm peeking out of my hiding place. I got my four inch heels and my best attempt at grace. These are precious years, that we can't replace, so i'm stepping out for a while! And we're heading off to go on the town. I'm not even gunna try to hold back my smile as I begin feeling bold. and i let my shoulders down." And that is exactly what i did.

I finished my song, chatted a little bit, then hopped back on the subway downtown to my cozy little apartment and let my shoulders down. I grabbed some Goat's milk frozen yogurt that was mexican vanilla and pink rose pedal flavored with my Best friend and settled into the night. What a day, what a NYC city day! It's surely not my beach town anymore- but this energy is just as powerful for God's kingdom as the crashing of the waves back home.
I hope I can marry my loves for both coasts...i dunno how i'd ever pick just one. I'm in love with them both. I'm just a Manhattan to Manhattan kind of girl...

Friday, August 5, 2011

Poem Decmber 2003( 13 years old)

(this one is just darling...hahahaha)

Title: Now I'm happy

I was sitting there stressed
Sitting there depressed

Then i answered the phone
Because you called my home

You said you were outside
And were just driving by

So i grabbed my sweatshirt
And ran down in a fluster

I was excited to see you
and you wanted to see me to

Then i gave you one stare
and rose into the air

Wrapped my arms around your shoulders
so long I felt us getting older

Your face simply lightened mine...I wish this could happen all the time....

Poem December 2003 (13 years old)

Title: 79% of Gone

When I




Fist glanced at your face
I began
To loose trace of
All the things I used to know
You come towards me and I go Cause
I don't need another distraction
You don't need my awful reaction to your
wrong doings, your hate, and your love
you will soon become a dove and
fly away from me and my heart
take all our love and rip it apart.

You say you love me- HAH, that's a joke
I cry and I cry and begin to choke on
all the tears you've helped me produce
Whatever, see ya later there is no use
you will never learn
you will never see
all the pain you've caused in me.

Should i stick with our relation- or give it away?
Let someone else take it, you don't care anyway.
So you do your thing and I'll do mine
and we'll see who's where in time.
I'm leaving you now so go over there and sit,
Cause this aint worth it!

Poem May 2004 (14 years old)

Title: 2 Lives GOne

Life floating away like the brush from a fire.
Dreams dissapearing fears growing.


Wonderment fills your mind, your heart, your soul then
drip drip drip your purple blood crawls like creatures and pumps through your brain
replaying the question~ What is my Purpose? and you don't know...

The wind blows faster as you fall on the floor while your blood turns red as it hits the air
trickling from your wrists.

Whispers become screams
you drop your knife, stare and float away never knowing the meaning of your life or of the one that lays in your center whose dreams were never born.



Poem May 2004 (14 years old)

Title: My Passion


It's an overwhelming breath of oxygen fleeing into your body
than a rush of energy is born within your center.

Through your muscles and ligaments to the tips of your fingers
causing each step to glide across the floor.

You run towards him as he raises you to the heavens.
Music is pounding, the lights brighter as the sky opens up and you're flying in the arms of your prince.

Float back down into his arms and drift away within the heart of your passion...

Poem from June 10 2004 (14 years old...)

Title: ( Not Named)


All the Hardships gone
No longer am I profound I mottled your cry for help but the time was moving too fast.


Memories over powering our helpless bodies that we cannot control
So they fall apart...

Wetness pouring through the sight
No feelings
No movement

Steadily, the leaving spirit cries out

Leaving. Forgetting.

Starting new beginnings; new ends

Does this space end or live without control?

Staring through the life and the physical into the mind and soul

Departing and never returning
Changing to view things form an others' sight

Will it change?
No. There is no control,
Only a translucent touch

CAP-21 Summer...



The Blogs took a little summer breather as I was participating in the CAP21 Professional Summer program. I've wanted to be in CAP since middle school...I thought I was meant to be in their college at NYU but God's plan (which never holds any good from me) was to go to AMDA, then the New School University, THEN have a treat during my last college summer in the CAP21 program. Well once again, God wins.... typical. It's been perfect. Life is all about timing, God's timing, and this was the perfect time to be in this program. I am hungry to learn, hungry to be part of the industry and hungry to grow as an artist. By his hand alone the most perfect group was formed, Group 4. Our teachers excelled far beyond any coaching I've worked with as of yet. Their words, all gems to mine ears that inspired gifts within me that have sat dormant since I've left AMDA. And most importantly i found the key to my heart that unlocked depths i haven't touched in years.

Surrounded by the humble and talented rising artists in my group I was overwhelmed with the camaraderie shared among us. The truth past through our conversations, the discoveries made together, the laughter shared, and the oneness that blossoms when in a company of actors that compete only within themselves. Monday through Friday, day in day out, we were offered one of the greatest gifts of all an artist can ask for: a platform. A stage to share, a space to create, an environment to grow.

While at the New School I've been so focused on the academic and "avant-garde" side of me that i wasn't sure if musical theater was what I wanted. I felt this program would give me a good taste of what my life could be like. If this was something i could do everyday...if i could do 8 shows a week...and it's a YES. Yes to opportunity, yes to being an artist in every sense, yes to the mainstream world and yes to the downtown scene. I love it all-i want it all and i want to impact it all. All art can be important as long as your point of view is there. Jennifer Anniston and Maryl Streep show up on the same screen with outstanding pay checks and yet who do we call the artist between these two and why? Whether its Hollywood or Kitchen 21, Broadway or a Jazz Cafe there's room for artistry. Because being an artist is a mindset, a journey...not only the platform you are given.

Now my next journey in August after going going going for these past few months is to soak in the sun, read books, read my past diaries (that I've just found and thought I'd lost), to reflect and cry, reflect and laugh- settle and re- energize for this upcoming year. These next entries, I hope to include snip~its from previous diaries of thoughts i believed, events that shaped me, and poetry I created... enjoy!!!

...and trust the path God has set out for you....