It had been 2 years since my last experience with Mr. Big
Then one day i got a text message saying that he missed me and wanted to get together.
I of course wanted to see him but that last epic night with Mr. BIg left me feeling on easy about the
potential gathering. If we didn't talk about it at all- the whole conversation would feel like a lie.
we would be avoiding a serious injury in the relationship and pretending like it didn't happen!
Truth is far too important for me to let that be the case.
But the opposite also made me fearful. What if it was brought up and somehow he saw it as my fault? Or what if
He looked at me like I was crazy for bringing it up and instantly became cold?
Mr. BIg was a friend I didn't want to loose but also didn't want to validate TERRIBLE behavior...what do i do?
I decided i would meet him. My favorite experience is when a broken friendship is redeemed.
We each drove half way from our homes to the Santa Monica PIer to eat at Bubba Gump. I was praying
the whole drive for GOd to either give me a clear window of opportunity to have a solid convo about that night
or to give me a clear stop sign to just let it go and choke it up as "the past".
We ordered our food. Th waitress...somewhat startled by who he was familiarized me with the customs of the place..
"You just flip the sign right here when you're ready, oh also can i Interest you two in my favorite appetizer
spinach artichoke dick?"
She froze and turned red...utterly embarrassed for her freudian slip. She simply turned and walked a way as we bursts
into laughter. THe laughter propelled us into a light hearted conversation about where we were life.
He told me about the recent films he'd been working on and the sex scene he appears in. SCANDELOUS!
The somehow the conversation moved along where i said
"YOu know what I've come to the conclusion that All guys suck and none of them actual want to commit..and if they do
they change their minds and cheat". He says, " no it's not that simple...and it is...all guys suck
at one point in their lives, and maybe even want to/do cheat...but it's temporary, a phase. Maybe
you're just with guys all the time during that phase in their lives".
Slightly offended my sass came out, "oh so was our last hang out session during your ass hole phase"...
slight uncomfort, i knew it wasn't my window. I quickly changed subjects to something much more light hearted.
After dinner, we still wanted to hang so we began to walk along the Santa Monica Pier. It was about 12a.m.
There were a few people walking about, but mostly the sound of the crashing waves, the black sky,
and the ferris wheel off in the distance turning various neon colors in different shapes and patterns
like those kaleidoscopes we looked through as children.
Then I just asked him, "How come you never called me back after that night?" I was already afraid
of this somehow being my fault. He responded...what do you mean? HOw long has it been since we've spoken?
"Two years"...
"No it couldn't have been that long"...he replied...
"Yeah you've texted me on the holidays happy whatever it was but this is the first time we've hung out since hat night"
"Wow", Big said, "I didn't realize it had been that long, i'm so sorry".
He then became vulnerable, transparent and selfless. His humility made him glow and brighten the night sky.
He began to tell me that he was embarrassed. He knew he messed up and felt terrible and couldn't talk to me.
He felt he messed up BIG and talking to me would only remind him. THen he got mad at me.."wrongfully" he said,
as a way to create a barrier from the situation. He assured me that he had never cheated on me in our relationship.
"I was still a good guy then", he said. Then he looked me in the eye and said. I'm really sorry that happened,
and that i did that to you.
"I forgave you a long time ago" i said. " I just wanted to talk to you, and i'm so glad this is happening".
"YOu're amazing. I can't believe you're such a good friend. I can't believe how easily you forgave me.
Thank you".
We went on to laugh and chat and re-connect. We shared some secrets no one knows and other moments
of laughter. He took me for a drive in his new car and then we parted ways.
Since then we've still kept in touch! He just came to NYC and texted me to go out Salsa dancing with he
and some of his friends from Broadway! It's amazing what the power of communication and forgiveness can do.
2012 is definitely a year of clarity. God's paths always point me in the right direction and towards redemption,
even in the simplicity of a redeemed forever friendship.
